Here are some speculative words put into the mouths of Charles Schulz’s PEANUTS characters,  “re-blogged” here from a book by Shalom Auslander, titled BEWARE of GOD: stories.

[I tried to upload a Peanuts cartoon under Fair Use, but it is nearly impossible. Sorry.]

<transcribed by me from Auslander’s book>

Charlie Brown, sitting in his beanbag chair.

He is watching TV. Sally stands behind him.

Sally asks, “Are we Schulzian, or Pumpkinite?”

Charlie Brown says, “We’re Schulzian.”

Charlie Brown says, “Schulzians believe in a Creator who writes and draws every single day . . .”

Charlie Brown says, “. . . while Pumpkinites, like Linus and Lucy, believe in the Great Pumpkin who flies around and rewards his believers on Halloween.”

Charlie Brown says, “But ultimately, belief should be a personal choice.”

“Which one gets more vacation?” asks Sally.

Charlie Brown rolls his eyes.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ next ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Charlie Brown, slumped down in his beanbag chair. He is watching TV. Sally stands behind him.

Charlie Brown says, “I give up. Maybe we should just stay apart. Maybe we should all just build our walls and fences and defend them night and day with our barbed wire and guard dogs. Why should I be the only one who cares? So what if I never see or speak to another Pumpkinite for the rest of my life? What do I care?”

Sally asks, “All the Pumpkinites?”

Charlie Brown says, “All the Pumpkinites.”

¿”Even the little Red Haired Pumpkinites?” asks Sally

“Aauugghh!” screams Charlie Brown.  

<end>

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